Everything

Work today...ugh such a bore, never gets exciting, especially since I dont work like I used to. I hardly see my friends Moe and Morgan. I saw Moe like two days ago we all went to see The Uninvited (such crap) and Taken ( so not crap!!!). Movies was fun but then I had to work the next day. I hate this job like seriously. Im only holding onto it because its money in my pockets and of the cool people I met. However soon Ill be giving them my two weeks notice, cuz this job is nothing but a bad re-run of crap. Ok so that doesnt make any sense, i think? Another thing is Ithink one of my friends may like me a little more than a friend. So weird. Its like everyone can see it but I cant of course, especially since he has a girlfriend. I cant stand that, if you have a gf why are you looking my way, I aint no homewrecker and I dont want anyone breaking things off for me, because I dont even know If i like you like that. I dont know, Im just keeping my distance from the opposote sex. Im not turning gay but Im just focusing, well trying to focus on myself and my priorities. No time for another heartache. OMG! i forgot but I was complimented on my butt! Yes!!! one of my friends said it was getting bigger (Dillion :/) yaaaay!!! My butt is enhancing lol. Ive been doing my squats occasionally and eating alot of soul food lol! Thank god, cuz I need a butt! Tomorrows school, ugh hate tht shit well I hate mondays cuz I have like a 4hr gap where Im doing nothing and all of my friends have mixed up schedules. Thats the only thing I hate abot college Its harder to make friends and keep them cuz everyone has different schedules. Its hard to keep up with people. Ive recently been going on facebook. still hate it but making more of an effort to going on. Happy Birthday Val, and Koplah Kola. Hope you guys had an awesome birthday. Sorry I wasnt able to go out to dinner (fuckin job). These past couple of days have been going well. Still think about the past every now and then, of course, still is going to take time to heal my hearts six year wounds. I hate that about myself. I envy people who can get over things so quickly as if it never happened. I wish I could be like that. Sometimes I wonder are they like that. Nope, then Im reminded about the constant harrasment from their mom, and friends about shit they want back. Oh god and another thing. Why is it that people are so effin immature? and the sad part about this is, they know it and theyre proud of it. Having a serious flaw and being proud of it? Its like some people dont know when to grow up, and let things go. Ive never been the type of person to hold grudges, one is because life is to fuckin short to do that shit, and because its not healthy. Move on. Im trying my best too, but Its so hard when I cant. Let it go. Whats done is done. I have no regrets. Im hoping for a better day. Theres no reason crying over spilled milk that was spoiled from the beginning. I came up with this saying when I was reminsicing. I tend to think about my ex alot. But Im tired of thinking about him. Hes no good for me, and sadly he never was. I was used and manipulated by him, which is something I thought would never happen to me. You watch your mom go through it, and always say to yourself never will that be me. Unfortunately it was, he used me and It wasnt even for sex. He knew the type of girl I was, or he thought he did. Loyal, caring, LOYAL! He knew I wouldnt back down from him in his times of need. I wouldnt do that. If someone needs me Im always there, one call away. ALWAYS. Guess u can say I gave him some control over me, he wanted that security and he got it. Once he got back he realized he didnt need my security. Which in alot of ways is good. Dont depend on me, because I dont depend on anyone. Had a nice discussion with mom today about all of this, which is why im venting so much. I learned my lesson and will make wiser choices now in the future. Now the thing that has been on my mind this whole entire weekend. Friends. Why is it that people dont call people anymore? Or dont make an effort. Im sick and tired, I repeat SICK AND TIRED, of calling people who obviously dont give a damn about me. If they did theyd pick up phone and call me once in a while. I call, and leave messages but nothing. Its funny how the people Im thinking of now are the ones I thought Id be friends with for a while. was I wrong or what. Im so through with all of this. Im tired of making such a huge effort. You win some in life and you lose some, sadly. Whatever I have my whole life ahead of me. This is just the beginning.....of the end?