Lace&Leather?

Hmmmmmm??? What to wear on Saturday??? Im going out finally..a PARTY!! ME a PARTY!!! Im not really a party girl I prefer concerts, or like small get togethers. Too many people drives me crazy. Im tried of being in my house though. Especially on Friday nights. I feel like all I do is go to work, then to school. Its the same routine. Its so boring. Im tired of it. I made a new years resolution I intended to keep that I will hang out more, be a little bit more outgoing, and have fun and not let anyone or anything hold me back because I deserve it. Im a good person whos always put alot things before myself. I know thats not always good, but Ive always been like that. Now Im putting me first. Everyone else does why not me. Im not changing completely. Ill always be that same girl I used to be underneath it all, but I just wanna enjoy my life, with no strings attached. Now if only I can decide what to wear???????

"Every time I think of you I puke"

My own version of Puke by Eminem:


[Intro]
[Kaycee puking]
There I go thinking of you again
[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke
[Verse 1]
I was gonna take a little time to write you a little poem
But off of the dome would probably be a little more
More suitable for this type of song woah
I got a million reasons off the top of my head that I can think of
Sixteen bars this ain't enough to put ???
So fuck it I'ma start right here I'll just be briefer
Bout to rattle off some other reasons
I know I shouldnt let my hate overshadow the new
But what do I go and do? Have one in interrupt my life, then two
Oooooh I'm sittin here with your name in my head
I can't believe I this shit isnt buried and dead
My next friends now they got to be sane
If you only knew how much I hated you
For every mothafuckin thing you ever put us through
Then I wouldnt be standin here cryin over you booooooooo
[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke
[Verse 2]
I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little letter
But I thought a song would prolly be a little better instead of a letter
That you'd prolly just shred up ??? I stumbled on your picture
The other day and it made me stop and think of how much of a waste
It would be to put some ink to a stupid piece of paper
I'd rather have you see how much I fucking hate you in a freestyle
You're a fucking ??? and I hope you fucking die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fucking guts you fucking slut I hope you die (diiiiiie)
But please don't get me wrong I'm not bitter I'm mad
It's not that I still love you its not that I want you back
It's just that when I think of you it makes me wanna gag
But what else can I do I havent gotta clue
Now I guess I just move on I got no choice but to
But everytime I think of you now all I want to do is puuuuuke
[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke
[Outro]
[Kaycee puking]
Fucking bitch

Kyoto Song

I dont know what the hell is wrong with me, Im so going to hell for laughing at this picture. But i had a dull depressing day and I really needed a good laugh. Worked as a slave at flippin Pay/Half. In agony at that. So bored with this damn job, in like 4 mons itll be a year Ive been there. Dont get me wrong Im happy i lasted a year but times up. Im sick and tired of everything about that job. Dont have anyone to really talk to. All the people that I was starting to befriend dont work my shift anymore. So works BLOWS!!! school sucks, hate that shit. Want to transfer so bad. Tired of people asking me what I want to do with my life, since I dont fuckin know still! Ive been playing guitar lately. Yesterday while I was bored out of my mind I was playing Lullaby by the cure, and The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson. Im proud of myself. Im finally releasing the inner rocker. LOL! mad fuckin cheesy, lemme go to bed before I say more crap.

PPPPPoker Face, PPPPPoker Face

Isnt she lovely??? Looks all glammed up. So its been a while since I blogged. Ive been busy in the world lol. Schools back been tryin to stay focus and on track. So effin hard though since I hate doing fuckin homework. Youve taken up half of my time in school must I really be reminded about once Im in the comfort of my house. Other than that everythings pretty much good. I went to battle of the bands the other day. Fun day If I might add. Hung out with miss Atiya and her friends, cool/crazy people. One of her friends OJ is an editor for a magazine and was telling me how I can get an Internship. Im praying they contact me back. I sent them my resume. I was also pretty much being hit on but I had no idea until she tells me the next day that so and so like you and thinks ur cute. Im not in the recipe for a relationship. I want to have fun and date. From what she was telling me It seems like he wants to get serious, and Im no longer the serious type, at least for now. Sorry. We can hang out but ot get serious. Other than that drama. I have MEGA news. Im starting Guitar lessons on friday. Yesssss. Finally. Im tired of this damn guitar taking up space in my room when Its not even being used. Im writing more than ever. I have faith in myself that one day the public will hear my shit. Hopefully?

Alright Still?...

Morning: Woke up. Made my usual french toast sticks lol. Ate. Watched Tv, saw Lily Allens new video for her song "The Fear". Got ready to go to stand on line and wait for hours and hours alone with my music until Briana and Ebonie go to school.

Afternoon: Get off train. Eat McDonalds (number two!!) call people who never pick up the phone when I want to talk. Asked some lil hipster guy where the Bowery Ballroom is, figured hed know. Walk until i see a bunch of people standing/sitting waiting to get in. Go on line turn up my music so I wont have to hear how much everyone loves Lily. Listen to a couple of solid gold oldies (Debarge, Isley, the good stuff). Get calls now! talk to dear ol friend whom Ill see on sunday at Battle of bands...wonder how thatllt turn out, reminds me I have to get my money to her and outfit all set. Get more calls from people I called earlier when I was losing my sanity. Hang up. Resume music lol. Get a call from Ebonie, who actually came. Wait.....still waiting.....see her with big ass textbook she ends up putting in my bag before the show starts. Back hurts because of Ebonie btw. We wait, we talk we laugh. Bri Bri calls shes on her way. Waitng...still waiting...she arrives. we all laugh talk, make messed up sadistic jokes about Rhianna and Chris Brown( dear lord im so sorry). We wait for like hours. They let us in. We wait again. We talk, laugh, make more jokes lmao. They open the main doors. we wait. Then it begins.

Evening: Trouble Andrew performs :/. Didnt know that was Santogolds husband btw. We dance we enjoy the show, theyre not too bad. They leave, we ait for Matt & Kim. We dance, laugh, have a good time. Matt & Kim perform Matt & Kim suck the end. We wait for the reason Im breathing today (lily) She comes out looking very cute I might add. We all dance sing songs we know, beg her to come out and perform another. Lily comes out and performs "Womanizer" lol. I laugh and sing my heart out. Shows over. They let us out. We get a free cd and poster, and sticker, oh and shirts. We walk to McDonalds again. I get my flurry we all go our seperate ways. I ride home with Ebonie. Im sleepy so is she I think? We wait for bus mines comes first ha! I get on see my friend Koplah show off pics. We get off bus go our seperate ways. I get in my house. I go to sleep. I smile because I had a kick ass day.

"We R In Need Of A Musical Revolution"

Esthero-One of the best singers of this time.

"Im so SICK & TIRED of the shit on the radio and mtv they only play the SAME THING no matter where I go i see ASHANTI in the video...I want something MORE"-Esthero.

We are so in need of a musical revolution. There has to better a way to communicate. Music can be the only thing that people look towards in this desperate time of need. Music can save. Good music at least. Ive been listening to Esthero all day. She is one of the best singers of our time. Not too many people know about her like they do with Lil-wayne. I wish I can turn on the radio and hear her music. Whenever she has a concert Im so there. This video is definately something to watch.

Everything

Work today...ugh such a bore, never gets exciting, especially since I dont work like I used to. I hardly see my friends Moe and Morgan. I saw Moe like two days ago we all went to see The Uninvited (such crap) and Taken ( so not crap!!!). Movies was fun but then I had to work the next day. I hate this job like seriously. Im only holding onto it because its money in my pockets and of the cool people I met. However soon Ill be giving them my two weeks notice, cuz this job is nothing but a bad re-run of crap. Ok so that doesnt make any sense, i think? Another thing is Ithink one of my friends may like me a little more than a friend. So weird. Its like everyone can see it but I cant of course, especially since he has a girlfriend. I cant stand that, if you have a gf why are you looking my way, I aint no homewrecker and I dont want anyone breaking things off for me, because I dont even know If i like you like that. I dont know, Im just keeping my distance from the opposote sex. Im not turning gay but Im just focusing, well trying to focus on myself and my priorities. No time for another heartache. OMG! i forgot but I was complimented on my butt! Yes!!! one of my friends said it was getting bigger (Dillion :/) yaaaay!!! My butt is enhancing lol. Ive been doing my squats occasionally and eating alot of soul food lol! Thank god, cuz I need a butt! Tomorrows school, ugh hate tht shit well I hate mondays cuz I have like a 4hr gap where Im doing nothing and all of my friends have mixed up schedules. Thats the only thing I hate abot college Its harder to make friends and keep them cuz everyone has different schedules. Its hard to keep up with people. Ive recently been going on facebook. still hate it but making more of an effort to going on. Happy Birthday Val, and Koplah Kola. Hope you guys had an awesome birthday. Sorry I wasnt able to go out to dinner (fuckin job). These past couple of days have been going well. Still think about the past every now and then, of course, still is going to take time to heal my hearts six year wounds. I hate that about myself. I envy people who can get over things so quickly as if it never happened. I wish I could be like that. Sometimes I wonder are they like that. Nope, then Im reminded about the constant harrasment from their mom, and friends about shit they want back. Oh god and another thing. Why is it that people are so effin immature? and the sad part about this is, they know it and theyre proud of it. Having a serious flaw and being proud of it? Its like some people dont know when to grow up, and let things go. Ive never been the type of person to hold grudges, one is because life is to fuckin short to do that shit, and because its not healthy. Move on. Im trying my best too, but Its so hard when I cant. Let it go. Whats done is done. I have no regrets. Im hoping for a better day. Theres no reason crying over spilled milk that was spoiled from the beginning. I came up with this saying when I was reminsicing. I tend to think about my ex alot. But Im tired of thinking about him. Hes no good for me, and sadly he never was. I was used and manipulated by him, which is something I thought would never happen to me. You watch your mom go through it, and always say to yourself never will that be me. Unfortunately it was, he used me and It wasnt even for sex. He knew the type of girl I was, or he thought he did. Loyal, caring, LOYAL! He knew I wouldnt back down from him in his times of need. I wouldnt do that. If someone needs me Im always there, one call away. ALWAYS. Guess u can say I gave him some control over me, he wanted that security and he got it. Once he got back he realized he didnt need my security. Which in alot of ways is good. Dont depend on me, because I dont depend on anyone. Had a nice discussion with mom today about all of this, which is why im venting so much. I learned my lesson and will make wiser choices now in the future. Now the thing that has been on my mind this whole entire weekend. Friends. Why is it that people dont call people anymore? Or dont make an effort. Im sick and tired, I repeat SICK AND TIRED, of calling people who obviously dont give a damn about me. If they did theyd pick up phone and call me once in a while. I call, and leave messages but nothing. Its funny how the people Im thinking of now are the ones I thought Id be friends with for a while. was I wrong or what. Im so through with all of this. Im tired of making such a huge effort. You win some in life and you lose some, sadly. Whatever I have my whole life ahead of me. This is just the beginning.....of the end?