"Voodoo"

Ok so i sign in this morning and check my mail. I see i have a new photo comment on myspace, but when I sign in I dont see anything saying I have new comments waiting to be approved. So I go back to my email and copy and paste the url, in order to approve my comment, and see who the hell left me a comment. Guess whos face pops up...my ex! WHAT THE HELL! Here I am waking up, saying I'm not going to be sad anymore, and then this shit pops up. Why the hell are his comments coming up in my email. At first I thought his dumass did it, as a dumb joke or something, then I sat and thought really hard, and realized a dumb person cant think of something like that...Well I know he can't anyway. I started to think in my head, and came to the conclusion that it might be his sister. I know she has my password and she couldve done something just t fuck up my holiday. UGH! or maybe it was an error on myspaces part. Whatever it is, its pissing me off! I dont want to sign in and see his face, because I'm getting his flippin comments. Yeah but...moving on to better things. I decided what I'm getting myself for christmas. I want to get a digital camera before new years, a nose or ear piercing (seriously), and a flat tummy. I know I'm only going to succeed with the first two.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Wow! Its been awhile since i wrote a blog. I don't even know where to begin. So in a couple of days its christmas, and im spending it with my mom, then my best friend Awaldo Thronberry lol.. Yeah it seems like no ones in the christmas spirit this year, including me. Times are hard, and it been a rough year. A very rough year. 2008...the year i hate? Actually I want to say i hate this year and I can't wait for it to be over, but its not because of the four months Ive wasted, but because I learned alot. I learned, theres a million different types of people in the world, and Ive just been faced with 2, that im so happy I dont deal with anymore(from mommy). I learned to never be so naive with a few nice words, because people will lie to get anything..I mean ANYTHING.... me, my fucking music!, and my heart (myself). I learned "if you aint gettin money, you aint doin nothin for me", and "if you havent been in school, your the ultimate fool" (from beyonce lol and myself). I also learned that if someone who is doing something for themselves asks you out..YOU GO! Life is too short to be tied down at an age like this. I made a mistake by waiting for someone who turned out to be "nothing", instead of enjoying my life, and time with someone who is "something". Last but not least, I learned that in life people come and go they may have very well been one of your best friends, but overtime while they were harboring all of this anger, you were learning how manipulative people can be when they dont get what they want. Its there way or no way sad because in life thats not how it is. I guess that runs in the family. That felt good to get out. Now i have something to admit. Have you ever liked someone you know is no good for you, yet your still drawn to them? There actions, attitude, and the way they make you laugh keeps you comin back for more. Im attracted, not like but..ATTRACTED to someone. I find myself thinking about them constantly. I dont know how they feel about me especially since I tend to bother them with all of my boy drama. In the beginning I felt that connection, but i just ignored it, and turned him down because I felt bad. I didnt want to develop anything, for anyone else, other than my idiotic boyfriend. How wrong was I? You cant help how you feel, or don't for that matter. In life temptation will always be there. You may think the person your with is, or should be your "world", but then you meet someone who changes your whole perspective. Who knows? that can just be the first person to pop up, many more can accumulate with time. I felt like such a fool when he and I broke up, but as the days go on, I realize it was a blessing not a curse. Hes not the guy for me, and I am definately not that girl for him. I know now that there are alot of souls out there waiting to be captured...with love, romance, passion, or even friendship. I always tried to see myself with one person and one person only. Now I want to just date. Even If I have to date the jerk (bari), the jock, the nerd, the musician, or the artist. Its better to explore your options, than to settle for less.

"Keeps Getting Better"

Ok so yaaaaaaay!!! My boyfriends back for good. Thank God! no more running back and forth to vermont. Now hes here for good. Thank the lord, because that long distance was reall starting to get to me. I mean 4 mons is long without someone you truly care for. Anyhoot! My boyfriends back, and hes back forever, my boyfriends back. MY BOYFRIENDS BACK LOL! i love that song. I believe i must download that song right this instant. Today was ok i guess. I woke up thinking ok what the hell am i going to do? I texted some people to see what they were doing. Some were working, or just hanging out. To tell you the truth I really wanted to hang out with him, but I just dont want to get in that state of mind. Always hanging out with my boyfriend. I wanted something different today, I mean I guess I couldve gone to the city to meet up with people, but I hate going places with no money and not even an idea to what Im going to do. Plus its too cold to linger lol! So I ended up doing what I thought I wouldnt do. I hung out with him, and we walked around, he got a haircut lol, went to see my uncle to get some dvds, and then came back and watched them...amongst other things lol! Today was coool! Dont get me wrong, Im so happy hes back but i still have mixed emotions. I dont want to get side tracked. Spend all my time and energy with him, because when he gets into his routine hes not always going to be with me. We need to be together, but while were still maintaning our individuality..I dont know im just venting. Well im getting ready to read, then sleep for work 2moro! :( Gnite...and peace and love to all!

"I'll begin to let you go"

Today was a bad day before I got to work. I dont know why, but all of the sudden I woke up and as I was getting dressed, I began to cry. I was sitting on my bed crying for about 15 minutes. All of these bottled up emotionc came out of nowhere. I didnt really have anyone to talk to, so I just released it through my tears. I know it sounds so corny, but Its the truth. Ive been having a rough couple of days. First I went to see a movie, that I knew before I saw it, would suck. Then I ve been listening to the messages my dad has been leaving me. Hes upset with me and putting me on this big guilt tripm because I wouldnt do what he wanted. Do you know what its like to hear your father say your a traitor. He wants nothing to do with me anymore, and I can hang up the phone and never call him again, because I no longer have a father? I dont know what I did. I was asking my mom What did I do to hime, for him to say things like that to me? I dont think she understands. She just tells me, my father has always been very manipulative when he doesnt get his way. And its also apart if his sickness. I dont know what to do anymore. What can I do? nothing. He called when I was at work again, but I didnt pick up, he left a message, but I didnt even bother listening to it. I swear this morning blowed. I thought the whole day would but thanks to friends it didnt. I hate my job, and I hate the pay, but I have to admit I love most of the people I wor with (MOE!) In life you need friends, and love. A life without it is a life lost.

"All That I'm Living For"

I dont know where to begin, I hope you all liked the poem I wrote. When I have something on my mind for a long time, I must write about it. In any shape or form, whether its a poem, song or just a regular journal entry. Im listening to Like You By Evanescence. Love this damn song! Ok so If you want to know the true me, the real me. How i really feel about certain things. this is the place to find out. On myspace I cant write how im truly feeling. Something about myspace is so fake. Im only keeping mine up in order to stay in contact with people. So everynightiburn is where to look for all those unanswered questions you may have about me.

Chasing Pavements?

So what am I supposed to do
Sit here, and always wait for you
Lie in bed with all of my fears
Cry all of the time, with sorrow and despair
I cant live this life im living now
Your not here and im making it.. somehow
But how will I survive once u leave me again
Am I supposed to just give in?
I love you and I know you love me too
But I cant live my life revolved around you
They say if you love someone you have to let them go
And if they come back then that’s how you know
If it was ever true love or just a foe
I don’t want to be without you
You’re apart of my life
You’re in my dreams, in my mind.
All day, every night.
You say these four months are killing you
Then its obvious four years wont do
I don’t know how to bare
Should I even care?
I love that were together
Sometimes I want it to last forever
But then I think of what’s going on
Why were making this work?
How were both so strong
I love you babe
And I know you love me too
But I know when you leave again
We wont be able to pull through.