Sooner Than Later- The Dilemma

It was a beautiful day. Like all others. Sun was out. Not a cloud in the sky. I got a call. She was evicted. Had no place to go. I thought as fast as I could. What to do? How can I help her? I gave her my home number. I gave her my house. I gave her a place to stay. Only until she found somewhere else. I thought? What have I gotten myself into. It was all apart of her plan. Stop paying rent. Get kicked out. Go to a friends house. Procrastinate. Mooch. What do I tell her? How do I tell her? This isn’t a permanent residence. This isn’t your new home. Fight for what you had. Fight to stay in youre old place. She shakes her head in disagreement. Bad memories. Negative energy. After all her mother passed. Bitersweet memories of the two of them in the apartment. She wanted to leave behind the past. She wanted a fresh start. As do I for her. But she cannot stay here. She has to find another place to go to. I love her. I want the best. But I cannot live with her. I have to be by myself. Without her. Focus on me. Selfish but true.Truth Hurts. If only I knew what she was going to do. Waiting for an answer. Hopefully the answer will come soon. Sooner than I think. Sooner than Later.

-Kaycee N. Alston

"Back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid nemore......but somedays I still wish i was a kid again"

Lets see how my week has been going....


1. Im sick with a bad cold

2. Can't get my hair done because IM SICK.

3. Fucked up at work. But im getting over it.

4. Finally had the chance to go out with a guy who actually PAID FOR EVERYTHING.

5. Has to find a home for Lily because shes making my mom really sick. Lilys my kitty kat

6. Havent heard from alot of people. Just wondering If theyre still breathing like me.

7. Shaved. Big Mistake

8. Lost my favorite lipstick.

9. Been getting back into my death metal bands

10. Had a blast from jmy past yet again.

...When It All Didn't Matter

Wedding Bells??...Not me!

Im off tomorow to go to a wedding. Im kind of excited to go. Ive never been to one before and I dont know what it is about them that I love so much. Everyone I talk to about them are like its just a wedding there not that big of a deal. To me they are, although alot of people dont take them seriously anymore and half of them will probably end up in divorce (like my parents ). Theres still something magical about weddings. Guess I sound like a real loser but whatever. Hopefully I have a good time and start to tear up. Oh btw, Its my cousin whose getting married. Lets see how it goes.

Why is it that I let myself cry over things that shouldnt hold any kind of significance to me?. I let certain people get somewhat close to me and then I always end up getting hurt for it, in the bitter end. Then Im the mean or cold one. When all I did was give myself completely to someone and then they take it and throw it away as if it meant nothing to them. Life is too short to be sad over trivial things and people. I wish I could go back in time and do alot of things differently. Maybe I wouldnt be as fucked up as I am now. Then again I wouldnt of experienced so many things and be more aware of my surroundings. I wouldnt of learned how people can be. Sucks that this is only the beginning. Theres more assholes and bitches to come across.

Here comes the rooster

Just finished watching my new addiction-True Blood- Its actually a pretty good show despite what I used to say about it. I guess I never really gave it a chance like I dont with alot of things. God I feel so fucked up in the head. I dont know whats good or bad. I dont know what I want, or If its something that I should want. Im confused and dont know what to do with myself. I guess I should just live as if I'll die tomorrow. Thats all you can do right? Live each day as if its your last. Experience as much as you can, and have no regrets. I guess I dont have any regrets. Just many lessons I thought I learned. See what I mean Im all screwed up. The only things that make sense in my life now is school work and the people I surround myself with which are my friends and family. The only thing that keeps me going on is the thought that I have this feeling that theres something more for me in the future. I dont want to sound like a bitch or anything but I feel like I dont know how special I am and the purpose I serve. If that makes any sense. I just think Im too much of this interesting person to sit in my house on the computer all the time and listen to music. I shuld be out there doing something with music or whatever. Thats why whenever I get the chance Im going to search my hardest for some more internships or anything to break into the business. Ive been working way to many days and havent had enough time to do anything for me really. I dont put alot of faith in myself, mostly because I had alot of thing happen to me to make me lose all hope and faith in myself. I know I deserve better in my life with a career and person. Just scared to see what the future actually holds for me.

Ok. So i got this call from someone very unexpected. This guy I was messing around with a while back because of my friend Moe, well his brother gave me a call. And not the brother I know. The other one. What the FUCK! Obviously I havent called your brother because i lost interest and Im guessing he did the same thing. So why am I still being harassed lol. His brother calls me saying oh I would love to meet you my brother says youre an interesting person and you look interesting. Ummmm no. anyone who says I LOOK interesting like that isnt someone who I need to meet. I honestly think I need to stay away from the opposite sex for a while. Just find myself and do a whole lot of soul searching. Guys have just dissapointed me lately and I dont need that right now. Good things come to those who wait. Im a firm believer in that saying so Ill just wait. Ive been running around like a chicken without her head looking for that person in the wrong person and I forgot what I always wanted and my needs. I think the reason Im all like this is because I had a boyfriend and I was used to that comfort. completely forgetting that I can have my own form of comfort without a guy. I did it for so long and theres nothing wrong with going back to that. When you get so wrapped up in a guy I think you forget what you need and whats important for you. You start thinking about them and what they want and dont put yourself first. Its your life and you should always come first. We shouldnt care if they dont cal or text or whatever were young and thats not the most important thing now. Live YOUR life. I think we sometimes forget that saying... I know I do.