Wow! Its been awhile since i wrote a blog. I don't even know where to begin. So in a couple of days its christmas, and im spending it with my mom, then my best friend Awaldo Thronberry lol.. Yeah it seems like no ones in the christmas spirit this year, including me. Times are hard, and it been a rough year. A very rough year. 2008...the year i hate? Actually I want to say i hate this year and I can't wait for it to be over, but its not because of the four months Ive wasted, but because I learned alot. I learned, theres a million different types of people in the world, and Ive just been faced with 2, that im so happy I dont deal with anymore(from mommy). I learned to never be so naive with a few nice words, because people will lie to get anything..I mean ANYTHING.... me, my fucking music!, and my heart (myself). I learned "if you aint gettin money, you aint doin nothin for me", and "if you havent been in school, your the ultimate fool" (from beyonce lol and myself). I also learned that if someone who is doing something for themselves asks you out..YOU GO! Life is too short to be tied down at an age like this. I made a mistake by waiting for someone who turned out to be "nothing", instead of enjoying my life, and time with someone who is "something". Last but not least, I learned that in life people come and go they may have very well been one of your best friends, but overtime while they were harboring all of this anger, you were learning how manipulative people can be when they dont get what they want. Its there way or no way sad because in life thats not how it is. I guess that runs in the family. That felt good to get out. Now i have something to admit. Have you ever liked someone you know is no good for you, yet your still drawn to them? There actions, attitude, and the way they make you laugh keeps you comin back for more. Im attracted, not like but..ATTRACTED to someone. I find myself thinking about them constantly. I dont know how they feel about me especially since I tend to bother them with all of my boy drama. In the beginning I felt that connection, but i just ignored it, and turned him down because I felt bad. I didnt want to develop anything, for anyone else, other than my idiotic boyfriend. How wrong was I? You cant help how you feel, or don't for that matter. In life temptation will always be there. You may think the person your with is, or should be your "world", but then you meet someone who changes your whole perspective. Who knows? that can just be the first person to pop up, many more can accumulate with time. I felt like such a fool when he and I broke up, but as the days go on, I realize it was a blessing not a curse. Hes not the guy for me, and I am definately not that girl for him. I know now that there are alot of souls out there waiting to be captured...with love, romance, passion, or even friendship. I always tried to see myself with one person and one person only. Now I want to just date. Even If I have to date the jerk (bari), the jock, the nerd, the musician, or the artist. Its better to explore your options, than to settle for less.
