Lost Soul

I cannot wait for school to be over. This semester has been so stressful, so bad I had to drop a class. I just couldnt take it, and I still cant. Im counting down the weeks. I feel like Ive been missing for so long. I guess Ive been busy with school and work. Especially working, Ive been working for five days straight. Tireding but I really need the money for mom, phone bill I have to pay now, and a new mp3 player. Yeah my zune is dead and gone, or well on its way. Guess Its time for a change for new things to come into my life. Out with the old, In with the new right?
Ive been distant lately and I like it like that. Never been to open and out there. I miss being reserved and not having a million and one things on my mind. And to keep some people wondering I guess. Alot of my friends have been telling me to focus on things and stop stressing over nothing. I know Ill sound like such a freak for saying this but I tend to think about sex all the damn time. I mean its on my mind twenty-four seven. I try to put my head somewhere else but I cant. Its actually quite aggravating. Mostly because Its something I cant have. I feel so pathetic and weak. I mena before my experiences sex was almost never on my mind, but now I feel like an addict. If I found someone I would probably want to do it all the damn time. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I were the old me, I feel like Ive changed. People have also told me Im different now. I guess how I act and stuff. Im going to get back to me from this moment. Lifes way to short to waste. My mom just found out one of her co-workers has cancer. Its so sad things happen unexpectedly and so fast we dont even know how to grasp it. This news made me feel even more down and out, and just taught me to appreciate life. No ones promised tomoro. My prayers go out to her and her family and I pray that shell pull through.

Lily- My Love

"Its Ok To Love Me

Ok so I know its been a while. Its been more than a while, its been forever. So much has happened where do I even start. Ok so Ive been writing alot, I met these guys who write music kind of like me and want to get started in the music business. I actuall y heard some of their stuff and think they have alot of potential. I would love to collabarate lol. They wanted to know if I could sing.....lets just say they see something in me that I dont, and want another interview. Hope I ace the next one. What else??? Oh yea went to three damn parties last week, had an awesome time. Nothing really else has happened. Guess you could say Ive been "dating" Went on one really so whatever. Guys a coll friend but definately not my bf type. Maybe its me and Im picky as hell, or maybe I dont settle and want to test the waters. I mean there are so many good looking guys out here, why not mess around. Before giving my heart away forever. I think the most important thing now is to really have fun and enjoy your life. Lifes not promised to any of us and we should make the best of each day. Dont worry about stuff to much or stress, just live your life and enjoy it dammit! Ugh. Sorry im ranting but i wish people would jus see the better things in life and make the best of it. I guess it can be hard but all it takes is a little bit of effort and strength. Im listening to So Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild now. God! I love this song so much. Wish someone would sing this song to me one day. Sigh...Gues sin order for guys to appreciate you, you have to appreciate yourself first. ;(. Lemme get to bed and get ready for tomoro, I have a long day ahead of me. Im officially an adult, well Im going to become one. I have to start paying my own phone bill. Mom cant afford it anymore. I have no problem with this, we all have to grow up sometime....I'll be doing that tomorrow, when I pay half of the damn bill.