Lost Soul

I cannot wait for school to be over. This semester has been so stressful, so bad I had to drop a class. I just couldnt take it, and I still cant. Im counting down the weeks. I feel like Ive been missing for so long. I guess Ive been busy with school and work. Especially working, Ive been working for five days straight. Tireding but I really need the money for mom, phone bill I have to pay now, and a new mp3 player. Yeah my zune is dead and gone, or well on its way. Guess Its time for a change for new things to come into my life. Out with the old, In with the new right?
Ive been distant lately and I like it like that. Never been to open and out there. I miss being reserved and not having a million and one things on my mind. And to keep some people wondering I guess. Alot of my friends have been telling me to focus on things and stop stressing over nothing. I know Ill sound like such a freak for saying this but I tend to think about sex all the damn time. I mean its on my mind twenty-four seven. I try to put my head somewhere else but I cant. Its actually quite aggravating. Mostly because Its something I cant have. I feel so pathetic and weak. I mena before my experiences sex was almost never on my mind, but now I feel like an addict. If I found someone I would probably want to do it all the damn time. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I were the old me, I feel like Ive changed. People have also told me Im different now. I guess how I act and stuff. Im going to get back to me from this moment. Lifes way to short to waste. My mom just found out one of her co-workers has cancer. Its so sad things happen unexpectedly and so fast we dont even know how to grasp it. This news made me feel even more down and out, and just taught me to appreciate life. No ones promised tomoro. My prayers go out to her and her family and I pray that shell pull through.

Lily- My Love

"Its Ok To Love Me

Ok so I know its been a while. Its been more than a while, its been forever. So much has happened where do I even start. Ok so Ive been writing alot, I met these guys who write music kind of like me and want to get started in the music business. I actuall y heard some of their stuff and think they have alot of potential. I would love to collabarate lol. They wanted to know if I could sing.....lets just say they see something in me that I dont, and want another interview. Hope I ace the next one. What else??? Oh yea went to three damn parties last week, had an awesome time. Nothing really else has happened. Guess you could say Ive been "dating" Went on one really so whatever. Guys a coll friend but definately not my bf type. Maybe its me and Im picky as hell, or maybe I dont settle and want to test the waters. I mean there are so many good looking guys out here, why not mess around. Before giving my heart away forever. I think the most important thing now is to really have fun and enjoy your life. Lifes not promised to any of us and we should make the best of each day. Dont worry about stuff to much or stress, just live your life and enjoy it dammit! Ugh. Sorry im ranting but i wish people would jus see the better things in life and make the best of it. I guess it can be hard but all it takes is a little bit of effort and strength. Im listening to So Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild now. God! I love this song so much. Wish someone would sing this song to me one day. Sigh...Gues sin order for guys to appreciate you, you have to appreciate yourself first. ;(. Lemme get to bed and get ready for tomoro, I have a long day ahead of me. Im officially an adult, well Im going to become one. I have to start paying my own phone bill. Mom cant afford it anymore. I have no problem with this, we all have to grow up sometime....I'll be doing that tomorrow, when I pay half of the damn bill.

Party In The U.S.A

I feel like such a bad person right now. Im so tired of hearing about guys. Well not guys, but my friends who go on and on about there boyfriends. more specifically my friend ingrid. I mean dont get me wrong im happy for her. Its her first boyfriend, so I know how that is. You cant stop going on and on about him, but I dont think I was that into him, where our whole 2hour convo would be bout him. if I was then shoot me in the fucking head now for talking shit lol. Is this the most important thing now, guys. I mean of course they are for a million and one reasons ;), but theyre not everything. Dont we come first? Its like we put theyre feelings first before our own. Well at least I did that, and I still do. I need to stop that. geez. i sound so pathetic lol. lord save me.



-I love Miley Cyrus's new song Party in the usa. Just think it would sound way better if someone else was singing it lol

Tears In Heaven

Im blogging when I should be doing my poetry homework. Oh whatever Its been too long and Im getting bored with school already. Couldnt wait for it to start now I cant wait for my next day off. Last few weeks have been very hard. Been trying to move ahead and not look back at certain things or people but no matter what I do it seems things have a way of catching up to me, and I give in like a weak pathetic girl. Its sad because I know Im better than that. I know Im stronger than I know. Im just looking for it and want to see it already. Its hard to focus on things that I should be focusing on and its so hard to concentrate. People have made me so mad this week I just wanted to be alone. I still do. Walking home I found myself crying.....the crazy part is I dont know what I was crying for. I guess we cry because we have too. Its the only thing that makes sense and one of the only ways to release alot of stress and insecurities. Well for me anyway. Geez lemme stop pourng my worthless heart out and get back to writing this paper. Lord help me with school. Im going to need it

Forever

I am forever yours, and you are forever mine. The love we share is pure, honest, and surreal. The kind of love we only witness on television. The kind of love we daydream about. With you here next to me nothing else matters. The constant beat of your heart makes my body tremble. The taste of your sweet lips intoxicates me. You're all I ever wanted, and now that I have you I dont want to ever let you go. A manifestation of my dreams. My very own prince. My very own fairytale. Memories fade into the background of past romance. With lust then, not love. I am yours now. I am forever yours, and you are forever mine. I am only yours, and you are only mine. For now. For long. Forever.

Forever.

-Kaycee N. Alston-

-This is what work brings out of me. Poetry. I guess thats good. My professor at school said true poets are the ones who can really write anywhere. The ones that get a good line in their head and jot it down. I hope Im one of them. I write alot about how I feel. However this wasn't about anyone in particular. Just felt like writing about love. Lame right. Whatever I believe in it. People dont make those damn songs for nothing. Its just this emotion i really want to feel with someone one day. Guess im to shut down from alot to open up to it. One day Ill meet that person that will change my views. Believe.

What Ive been up to?

1. working as a slave

2. back in school, busy studying.

3. Catchin up w/ mom

4. hangin out with friends from wrk.

5. downloadin alottttt of musica

6. living

7. wollowing

8. caring

9. thinking

10. missing?

11. sleeping

A Night To Remember....

Broken-Hearted Girl

HAPPY BELATED KRYSSIE!!!

I just recently got my ear pierced and its killing me. This will be my seventh one, and can you believe Im not done. I want two diamond studs on my right cartilage. I think I spelled it correctly. If not then oh well. Weeks been kind of busy. Wait scratch that I havent been busy having a life, Ive been busy working so I could get money for back to school. Im actually excited about school starting back up. Im more focused then I ever used to be. I know what I have to do and Im ready. Besides that I need a distraction FAST! I just want to forget alot of things and people. Sometimes life is just better leaving behind the past. For once and for all. I dont think I mentioned my friend living with me. Well shes not anymore, my mom made her leave and go to her moms cousins house. Its so close by rochdale its ridiculous. Hope all is well with her and she starts to make moves and not slack off just because she has a roof over head. Yes she has every reason to be thankful but dont mooch like here. Start to build your life. Its the perfect opportunity. I couldnt take it living with her. I guess Im a very private person and I like to be by myself. Since Im so used to it growing up. I just like my own space and no one taking over. I almost forgot to mention this week is like a series of free concerts in the city. Pat Benatar. Blondie. The Donnas. and Gym Class Heroes. I am so going to one of them. Im leaning more towards Pat Benatar and Blondies concert. Since theyre like my fucking Idols. Come on who would miss that concert. Cant wait to go with my peeps. Live life before school takes over. <3

Sooner Than Later- The Dilemma

It was a beautiful day. Like all others. Sun was out. Not a cloud in the sky. I got a call. She was evicted. Had no place to go. I thought as fast as I could. What to do? How can I help her? I gave her my home number. I gave her my house. I gave her a place to stay. Only until she found somewhere else. I thought? What have I gotten myself into. It was all apart of her plan. Stop paying rent. Get kicked out. Go to a friends house. Procrastinate. Mooch. What do I tell her? How do I tell her? This isn’t a permanent residence. This isn’t your new home. Fight for what you had. Fight to stay in youre old place. She shakes her head in disagreement. Bad memories. Negative energy. After all her mother passed. Bitersweet memories of the two of them in the apartment. She wanted to leave behind the past. She wanted a fresh start. As do I for her. But she cannot stay here. She has to find another place to go to. I love her. I want the best. But I cannot live with her. I have to be by myself. Without her. Focus on me. Selfish but true.Truth Hurts. If only I knew what she was going to do. Waiting for an answer. Hopefully the answer will come soon. Sooner than I think. Sooner than Later.

-Kaycee N. Alston

"Back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid nemore......but somedays I still wish i was a kid again"

Lets see how my week has been going....


1. Im sick with a bad cold

2. Can't get my hair done because IM SICK.

3. Fucked up at work. But im getting over it.

4. Finally had the chance to go out with a guy who actually PAID FOR EVERYTHING.

5. Has to find a home for Lily because shes making my mom really sick. Lilys my kitty kat

6. Havent heard from alot of people. Just wondering If theyre still breathing like me.

7. Shaved. Big Mistake

8. Lost my favorite lipstick.

9. Been getting back into my death metal bands

10. Had a blast from jmy past yet again.

...When It All Didn't Matter

Wedding Bells??...Not me!

Im off tomorow to go to a wedding. Im kind of excited to go. Ive never been to one before and I dont know what it is about them that I love so much. Everyone I talk to about them are like its just a wedding there not that big of a deal. To me they are, although alot of people dont take them seriously anymore and half of them will probably end up in divorce (like my parents ). Theres still something magical about weddings. Guess I sound like a real loser but whatever. Hopefully I have a good time and start to tear up. Oh btw, Its my cousin whose getting married. Lets see how it goes.

Why is it that I let myself cry over things that shouldnt hold any kind of significance to me?. I let certain people get somewhat close to me and then I always end up getting hurt for it, in the bitter end. Then Im the mean or cold one. When all I did was give myself completely to someone and then they take it and throw it away as if it meant nothing to them. Life is too short to be sad over trivial things and people. I wish I could go back in time and do alot of things differently. Maybe I wouldnt be as fucked up as I am now. Then again I wouldnt of experienced so many things and be more aware of my surroundings. I wouldnt of learned how people can be. Sucks that this is only the beginning. Theres more assholes and bitches to come across.

Here comes the rooster

Just finished watching my new addiction-True Blood- Its actually a pretty good show despite what I used to say about it. I guess I never really gave it a chance like I dont with alot of things. God I feel so fucked up in the head. I dont know whats good or bad. I dont know what I want, or If its something that I should want. Im confused and dont know what to do with myself. I guess I should just live as if I'll die tomorrow. Thats all you can do right? Live each day as if its your last. Experience as much as you can, and have no regrets. I guess I dont have any regrets. Just many lessons I thought I learned. See what I mean Im all screwed up. The only things that make sense in my life now is school work and the people I surround myself with which are my friends and family. The only thing that keeps me going on is the thought that I have this feeling that theres something more for me in the future. I dont want to sound like a bitch or anything but I feel like I dont know how special I am and the purpose I serve. If that makes any sense. I just think Im too much of this interesting person to sit in my house on the computer all the time and listen to music. I shuld be out there doing something with music or whatever. Thats why whenever I get the chance Im going to search my hardest for some more internships or anything to break into the business. Ive been working way to many days and havent had enough time to do anything for me really. I dont put alot of faith in myself, mostly because I had alot of thing happen to me to make me lose all hope and faith in myself. I know I deserve better in my life with a career and person. Just scared to see what the future actually holds for me.

Ok. So i got this call from someone very unexpected. This guy I was messing around with a while back because of my friend Moe, well his brother gave me a call. And not the brother I know. The other one. What the FUCK! Obviously I havent called your brother because i lost interest and Im guessing he did the same thing. So why am I still being harassed lol. His brother calls me saying oh I would love to meet you my brother says youre an interesting person and you look interesting. Ummmm no. anyone who says I LOOK interesting like that isnt someone who I need to meet. I honestly think I need to stay away from the opposite sex for a while. Just find myself and do a whole lot of soul searching. Guys have just dissapointed me lately and I dont need that right now. Good things come to those who wait. Im a firm believer in that saying so Ill just wait. Ive been running around like a chicken without her head looking for that person in the wrong person and I forgot what I always wanted and my needs. I think the reason Im all like this is because I had a boyfriend and I was used to that comfort. completely forgetting that I can have my own form of comfort without a guy. I did it for so long and theres nothing wrong with going back to that. When you get so wrapped up in a guy I think you forget what you need and whats important for you. You start thinking about them and what they want and dont put yourself first. Its your life and you should always come first. We shouldnt care if they dont cal or text or whatever were young and thats not the most important thing now. Live YOUR life. I think we sometimes forget that saying... I know I do.

"After The Hurricane"

JS- Truly an amazing a singer. Words cannot express how much I love this woman. Her music is deep and real and I can connect to alot of songs off of her album. I love singers like this. Every once in a while we get singers who can touch us but we dont shed to much light onto them because we already have singers who were so used to. Like Beyonce or Rhianna and Ashanti. Im not saying I hate there music but I like music that I can relate too and it has a hidden message behind it. And you can tell the singer is singing with all of there soul in it. I love that. People like her make me wanna really sing. Love You Jasmine Sullivan. If you havent heard her musc yet please download now. Especially......



1. After The Hurricane
2. Switch
3. Fear.

Dirty Diana/Give Into Me

I cant believe Michael Jackson is gone. Ive been listening to his music all day today and yesterday. Up as my title are my two favorite songs by him. He was truly a legend and despite all of the drama and things that he went through he was an amazing performer and I know he will be missed terribly. R.I.P Michael, your in a better place now.


Today was so dull I swear I decided to make moves out of this damn house since I didnt go anywhere the day before. I hate being home sometimes. I feel like I have no damn life and I should be outside at least taking a walk in the city somewhere. Ugh. Need more of a life. all ive been doing is working and jus chillen around where I live with people. Its getting old. Ive always done this. I want something new and different. Meet new people and try new things. I went to a party last week, my friend Rachel invited me but when I got there she had to leave I was so confused I swear. Party was ok people were cool I guess and I did get a little tipsy, unfortunately.

I went to the city today to pamper myself before my birthday. Which is on sunday yaaaay. not. Im not in the mood to celebrate my birthday but I cant tell anyone that. All of my friends are like lets go out and eat or something. If i do go out I wnat it to be a small gropu of my close friends but I cant do that seeing as mad people wanna go somewhere different. Hmmmmm what to do. I also visited my aunt. Just stopped by to see how she was feeling. Last I heard shes not doing to well, she has a pacemaker now so shes not like she was before. Now she has to take it easy.

Oh did I forgt to mention how fed up I am with certain things and people. I wish things were like they were before....sigh.

Unstoppable

Back to blogging about god know what. Ive been so preoccupied these past couple of days its crazy. First off I went to my SANTIGOLD!!!!! show with my Eboner n Lynette (i think i spelled her name right, sorry if I didnt) It was awesome, except for the time I was being pushed when creator came on. I was so pissed the song I was waiting to record on my camera was ruined. Assholes. Anyway it was still a kick ass show, next one Im thinking about going to is Kid Cudi n Asher Roth. Im actually really going to see Asher Baby!!! lol Kid Cudi eh is okay but Ashers way better. Gotta get those tickets, its so sad to say my only excitiement is shows I swear I need more of a life. Im so tired of being home. I mean Im not home as much as I used to be but still Im bored with where I live and the people lol. I want to go out like all the damn time. My mom got mad when I stood out til like 4 in three days in a row, but I dont care because I have nothing better to do except hang and do nothing. That made no damn sense. Whaterver. I also need to be dating, non psychos. That fuckin weirdo from my skool keeps callin me, ugh he cant take a damn hint. Askin me a million questions and like Oh i really like you and we should hang. Nope Im tired of settiling for less I deserve way better, and Im not settling. Even if I have to wait. Ill be waiting for someone I fuckin want and lust deeply for, hopefully that wont be to damn long. Ugh lemme get my ass to bed for fuckin work...hat tht shit.

Did I forget to mention what today is........

Santigold!!!!!!!! 7pm @ Terminal 5

Say Whats Real

I recently jus signed into my facebook after a lonnnnnggggg hiatus due to wrking as a slave at pay/half and sleepin lol. I dont even know how or what the hell to write. Lets just say I got a blast from my past. A hug past. So remember that best friend I had who completely stopped talking to me because I dated her brother. Well she contacted me. WTF?? She wants to discuss past events and put the past behind us and shes sorry and blah blah blah. I didnt repsond and Im not going to until i know what to write. I know a huge part of me is like screw her she screwed up this friendship and theres no getting back to the way things were. However I have changed alot and Im not bitter and angry as much as I was before. I dont have to hate anyone. Whats done is done, and theres no need to be caddy like Im ten years old, or like her. Im a mature person and I always have been. I dont know Im still a litlle confused. I dont know what Im going to do, or say. Who knows if Im even going to respond. Its been a while though and she really did hurt me and destroy a solid friendship. and plus a huge part of me knew she would do this because thats how she is and I deleted my myspace for alot of reasons but one was so I would never see her again. ahhhhhh. sigh time will tell all......

6 more days til my SANTIGOLD!!!!!

"You'll Find A Way"

Throwback

'07 Im at my Gammys house now, and I came across this picture. Its so damn hilarious. I had on my black power hat with my kitten earrings I cant find anymore, and my old OLD glasses. My eyebrows are hella bushy and It seems I knew nothing about make-up. I love looking at old pictures. Its funny to see how much I changed. My style, the clothing I was wearing and my expressions lol. I look so sad. I remember where this picture was taken too. I was in the Manhattan Mall with Awilda, Lenice, Yanell and Ebonie(who took this pic). I remember what we all were exactly talking about too, damn my memory is pretty good. They were all talking about the damn Jonas Brothers lol. Me and Ebonie were in our own world probably talking about Gym Class Heroes or some other damn band. Then she took this picture and was like Imn going to send it to you, its a nice one. Then she sent it and here it is years later lol. Wow my have things changed since then. Feels good to look back at the good memeories of the past. I miss alot of things too.....I got back like a couple of houras ago from taking my English Final. That crap was so damn easy, if I get below a ninety ill be highly upset. Now I have my last two on Wednesday. Cannot wait for that shit to be over. Everyones like schools over YAAAAY!!! I still have finals so schools not completely over for me. Til then Ill hold back my cheers. Im so eager to see how the summers going to go for me. Ill be working alot more now. I think like five days. Yes!!!! The only thing is Ill be in cash register ugh. Hate that shit. Dont know whay Moe loves it so much. Customers are way too rude for my liking. Guess I have to get used to it. People are rude anyway. I wont be at The Source anymore though. I know I'm like the worlds biggest idiot according to some people but I really need the money now, and I cant afford to waste my time in a place I dont like too much, around fake people, and get no money. Times are way too hard now, and I need to do whats good for right now. Besides Ive been thinking about a change in career...??? Im going to stil be in school and now Ill have more time to concentrate. No drama, no more late run ins in the city and no boys....well Ill see about that. I have to call em and tell em I wont be back though.....or should I just not show up, Its not like theyre paying me......hmmmmm well see by tomorrow. I just want to relax and do things I want to really do this summer. I met alot of cool people this year and still remained as close as possible to my friends from High school. I cannot wait until Santigold and more concerts to go to. I dont know why but I feel like this summer something unforgettable is going to happen. I dont know why but theres this feeling I get. Can only wait to see......

3 1/2 more weeks 'til SANTIGOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Houstatlantavegas

Can anybody tell me what the hell is wrong with me? I think Im coming down with another damn cold. Im all hot & cold. Ive had chills all day the only thing that brought it down was Dunkin Donuts lovely hot chocoalte I just cant get enough of. Other than that Ive been in a shitty mood all day. Trying to study for finals but its not working. Trying to forget about a certain someone but Im shit outta look there too. I just wanna drift away. To a place where its all peachy keen. Escape this bittersweet world, with so many problems and crap. Oh fuck... my clothes are downstaires lemme go and get em. Ugh you know what rlly pisses me off/grinds my gears. Guys. Guy Friends. Why do you always want my friends to tag along with u and your friends. Its so annoying. Ugh sorry im just venting. Lemme get out hear before I start to go nuts.

Victim of a Foolish Heart

Joss

Can you believe im fucking sick!!!...Ok... Well I can this is what I get for bragging about being perfectly fine since high school. The last time I got really sick was senior year. Ive been fine until today. My head is spinning my throat hurts eyes are tearing/itching all of the time and im dizzzzzzzyyyyy. I think I have the flu but not that damn Swine flu going around. All I know is I have to get better I hate being sick it sucks ass. Major ass. Nothing really interesting happen today..I saw my own personal stalker lol. Another guy I turned down. My friend was trying to hook me up with this guy whose damn name is KC. Isnt that creepy???? I told her I wasnt feeling to well so I passed. Now im here waiting for my friend to call me and talk to be bout the music business and how I can sing...yea right. I dont know. I dont want to be a professional singer I just want to do it for fun. I like to sing and think my songs are pretty good. Maybe even become a lyricist???? Just a thought. Anyway hes taking too damn long to call me back, but thats to be expected from him. At this rate I probably wont hear from him until tomoroow morning. Bumb. Exscuse me while i pop another cough drop and listen to Joss Stone.

"Petrified Life & Twice Told Joke"

Just got back from work, what a bore. I was in a bad mood all day. Dont really know why or care to know, all I do know is today just wasnt my day. I got in at around 4am. Maybe thats why I was so grouchy today. So grouchy that some dumass customer complained to my manager at me saying how I was being rude and mumbling things under my breath. who cares. I dont give a damn anymore. Im tired. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. The only highlight of my day was when this kid wanted to give me a hug. It was so weird I was on my break sitting down, looking all down and out, and hes all like Hi im jonathan whats your name. I was so smittened. Then he kept walking away and coming back til he asked me for a hug. Its so strange, Its almost as if he knew thats exactly what I needed at the time. I really havent been talking about my relationship saga, but I have met someone. I dont want to get into to many details, because I dont want too. I just want to see how everything goes. Its going ok...so far. I dont know I justhate when guys try to analyze me. Its almost as if they think they know everything there is to know about me. Thats it. Theres nothing more than what they see. I hate that. I admit it im a shy person if Im not used to you, or if i feel i cant connect to you on any type of level. However I can relate to alot of people so why not give me the chance. Im well rounded as my mother said and I dont judge anyone. I listen and do what I feel when Im ready to. Dont change me because It will never work. Alot of things have happened in my past that has shaped the person I am today, as well as the person Im becoming. Both good and bad. I am me. That felt so good to get out. This doesnt only go for guys but girls too. Everyone who thinks my life is just fine. Now I have to do homework something Ive been trying to avoid this whole break. I cant anymore schools this monday. Yay :(. Im still not finished with stuff. I guess its just like my life, unfinished issues I have yet to deal with.

"Littlest Things"

Megan Fox. Is a Fox. Love her.Want her. Be Her. If Only.

Ok so I havent been on this blog as much as i hoped too. Ive been so bust these past few weeks its crazy. I was even thinking about quitting school. I know, I was thinking about it, didnt do it. Its just that its getting incredibly hard, and theres so much to keep up with, and study. I felt like I couldnt do it, like I was going t explode. Then I cooled off, and realized Im not the only one struggling in this world. Schools hard, but so is life so I guess I have to get used to that. What else has happened. Oh I was asked out but someone Im not remotely interested in. Sorry but If im going to go out, It has to be someone Im interested in, and attracted too. Very attrtacted too. I also got an internship with the Source magazine. I know theyre still alive lol. Its pretty cool and that all Im going to say about that. Lets see where it takes me. So far Ive been to two parties for magazines, and got a little tipsy. oops. I think I should stop drinking. Im definately a liteweight. I cannot hold my liquor for the life of me. Ive also been getting into alot of Hip-Hop. Pretty weird actually Im freaking out. Ive downloaded so much this week, and I was even ready to download The Dreams new album. I know but I was intruiged by what everyone at the source was saying. Didnt go through with it though. Nothing else has happened. Oh. I saw my ex and their entire family. Yay! just what i needed a trip down fucking memory lane. Im not as hurt as I was before. Time does heal. I guess Im healing in my own sad pathetic way. I still tend to reminisce but thats to be expected. After all I am human. I hate when people are like oh get over it, and stop thinking about it, or writing about it. Its different for you if youve never been in my situation. People only know half of the shit I told them. Theres things thats going to take me a while to get over. I dont want to tell anyone because either their tired of hearing about it, or theyre too busy. Its ok though. No one understands me, and thats how it been my entire life. Wont be so bad to continue that way. Until I meet that one person that can change my mind....maybe.

Best I Ever Had

So ive been keeping up with alt of new music. My new favorite songs are Black and Gold by Sam Sparro, and Best I Ever Had by Drake lol.....I cant believe I love these songs so much. Especially the song from Drake, im like downloading all his shit now, so when people are like have you ever heard of so and so, ill be like yep got that album!!! Jimmy from Degrassi is a rapper, ive always known since that degrassi episode...and when i used to be obsessed with him, he would have interviews and shit, and he was like my dream is to be a rapper, and one of his favorites it 50 cent eh...i know. you all sooooo have to hear this song by him its addictive. Ive been listening to it over and over. I have no life. Im supposed to be doing a paper, wonder when Ill finish that. Get me away from Limewire!!! Ill download the world on that shit. Damn best i ever had song brings back unwanted memories. Someone once said i was the best....but thats long gone. I still love this song, and damn i think im fallin for jimmys ass again, lol!



FUCK!-i cant upload the song here by video, blogger blows. just go on youtube and listen to best i ever had lmao!

ALERT!

As alot of you may know, I have a couple of blogs. Well two. Nowadays Im mostly on tumblr. Just to let you dudes know, in case your wondering why the hell Im not updating, chances are because Im on my tumblr. So heres the link for all of you guys who actually give a damn about me.

kill-the-lights.tumblr.com



P.S.- I will still be updating this blog every chance I get.

Be Not Nobody

One day.......(sigh)

Seemingly Meaningless

Finally made it on my blog. Damn thing was acting up all day. Yesterday was way cool as you can see. It was Ms Ebonies birthday!!!!! Happy Birffday Hun! She nineteen now. I know shes getting up there. Went to BBQs for dinner with Imoni. Missed her, havent seen her in a long long time. We all had a good time, then her friend Lanette came. and then we went off to see The Black Lips. Concert was ok I guess, maybe wouldve been better if I actually knew a few songs by the band, but whatever. Today sucked I was supposed to go to the city to karaoke with Awilda and her friend from work but shes really sick. Hope she gets better. Damn its like everyone has been getting sick. Ended up in Subway with my friend koplax, and then came home to do nothing as always. I dont know in some ways it felt goood to have the advantage of staying home and sitting on my ass, but I felt sort of alone. I dont know why. I felt like I was missing out on something, or someone maybe? I was on a gloomy mood. I dont know why I get like this. I can have the biggest smile on my face and have the greatest people around me, but like Kanye says "In the end its still so lonely" I guess being around here with memories depresses me. Brings me back into my sad mode. I hate that too. Im so tired of being around here, and in Rochdale. Its so ugggghhhhhh depressing. So many problems, No money, so many good/bad unwanted memories in this head of mine. I go to a school I dont neccesarily like. Im at a job that Im not too fond of. I just feel like my life is on rerun everyday. Occasionally I get to spice it up, but that doesnt feel good enough for me. I dont talk to alot of people I once felt so close too. From home and school. I miss them too. I guess this is what was supposed to happen. You win some and you lose some. Sucks though but eventually Ill get over it. What other choice do I have. I have to go to school tomoro which blows then Ill be home doing french, oh and im failing btw. UGGGHHH!!!! Let me go to sleep now and stop watching Hustle&Flow. Got to get up tomoro to do the same damn thing I always do. Maybe something interesting will happen. But Im not holding my breath.

Uncool

Would I be uncool, If i could write a love song? Why is it that all the fuckin amazing songs are so hard? Is it because theyre that effin amazing. Lime wire sucks ass. I still cannot download Uncool by Courtney Love, and Let Go Hank Dogs. I know what a name right. I love these two effin songs, yet i can only listen to them when im online. Stupid shit, i need another place to download music.

Say_ what_you_ need_ to_ say

Photo Of The Day : Fallen Angel, what I tend to feel like everyday.

Just woke up about half an hour ago. I think there is something seriously wrong with me. Everyday Im so sleepy. I get my eight hours asleep, sometimes even nine. Im still so effin tired. I started taking my Iron pills again. I need to wake my tired ass up. Tomorrows my last day od school. Thank god. I dont know how Im going to get through that three hour history class. Then after that I have to get my butt to the city to get ticks for The Black Lips concert for Ebonies birthday on Tuesday. Cant wait even though I dont know one song by them lol. I thought i had them on my zune, turns out it was the Black Kids and Black Keys. No Black Lips. Oh well, heard they were pretty good, Ill see on Tuesday. :O

I said what I needed to say, even when my hands were shaking lol. Love that song by John Mayer.

"Blur"

Heidi

Atiyaaa

Renita and Me

I have to admit I had a good time last night, all the way to 7 in the damn morning. Thought I was ever going to make it home. When we first got there, I wasnt sure if it was going to be a good night, but it was. I hung out with miss Atiya and her friends (way cool if I mite add, and very nice) Met new people. OMG! met like my twin!! I think she was?? I was very drunk so I dont really remember, but I remember what we were talking about, well somewhat...did not think there were anymore cool music heads out there. Renita you are like awesome, reminds me I have to find you on facebook. Overall, fun night, happy I went. Now if you exscuse me have to find my new bff..lol like paris hiltons show.

Lace&Leather?

Hmmmmmm??? What to wear on Saturday??? Im going out finally..a PARTY!! ME a PARTY!!! Im not really a party girl I prefer concerts, or like small get togethers. Too many people drives me crazy. Im tried of being in my house though. Especially on Friday nights. I feel like all I do is go to work, then to school. Its the same routine. Its so boring. Im tired of it. I made a new years resolution I intended to keep that I will hang out more, be a little bit more outgoing, and have fun and not let anyone or anything hold me back because I deserve it. Im a good person whos always put alot things before myself. I know thats not always good, but Ive always been like that. Now Im putting me first. Everyone else does why not me. Im not changing completely. Ill always be that same girl I used to be underneath it all, but I just wanna enjoy my life, with no strings attached. Now if only I can decide what to wear???????

"Every time I think of you I puke"

My own version of Puke by Eminem:


[Intro]
[Kaycee puking]
There I go thinking of you again
[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke
[Verse 1]
I was gonna take a little time to write you a little poem
But off of the dome would probably be a little more
More suitable for this type of song woah
I got a million reasons off the top of my head that I can think of
Sixteen bars this ain't enough to put ???
So fuck it I'ma start right here I'll just be briefer
Bout to rattle off some other reasons
I know I shouldnt let my hate overshadow the new
But what do I go and do? Have one in interrupt my life, then two
Oooooh I'm sittin here with your name in my head
I can't believe I this shit isnt buried and dead
My next friends now they got to be sane
If you only knew how much I hated you
For every mothafuckin thing you ever put us through
Then I wouldnt be standin here cryin over you booooooooo
[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke
[Verse 2]
I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little letter
But I thought a song would prolly be a little better instead of a letter
That you'd prolly just shred up ??? I stumbled on your picture
The other day and it made me stop and think of how much of a waste
It would be to put some ink to a stupid piece of paper
I'd rather have you see how much I fucking hate you in a freestyle
You're a fucking ??? and I hope you fucking die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fucking guts you fucking slut I hope you die (diiiiiie)
But please don't get me wrong I'm not bitter I'm mad
It's not that I still love you its not that I want you back
It's just that when I think of you it makes me wanna gag
But what else can I do I havent gotta clue
Now I guess I just move on I got no choice but to
But everytime I think of you now all I want to do is puuuuuke
[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke
[Outro]
[Kaycee puking]
Fucking bitch

Kyoto Song

I dont know what the hell is wrong with me, Im so going to hell for laughing at this picture. But i had a dull depressing day and I really needed a good laugh. Worked as a slave at flippin Pay/Half. In agony at that. So bored with this damn job, in like 4 mons itll be a year Ive been there. Dont get me wrong Im happy i lasted a year but times up. Im sick and tired of everything about that job. Dont have anyone to really talk to. All the people that I was starting to befriend dont work my shift anymore. So works BLOWS!!! school sucks, hate that shit. Want to transfer so bad. Tired of people asking me what I want to do with my life, since I dont fuckin know still! Ive been playing guitar lately. Yesterday while I was bored out of my mind I was playing Lullaby by the cure, and The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson. Im proud of myself. Im finally releasing the inner rocker. LOL! mad fuckin cheesy, lemme go to bed before I say more crap.

PPPPPoker Face, PPPPPoker Face

Isnt she lovely??? Looks all glammed up. So its been a while since I blogged. Ive been busy in the world lol. Schools back been tryin to stay focus and on track. So effin hard though since I hate doing fuckin homework. Youve taken up half of my time in school must I really be reminded about once Im in the comfort of my house. Other than that everythings pretty much good. I went to battle of the bands the other day. Fun day If I might add. Hung out with miss Atiya and her friends, cool/crazy people. One of her friends OJ is an editor for a magazine and was telling me how I can get an Internship. Im praying they contact me back. I sent them my resume. I was also pretty much being hit on but I had no idea until she tells me the next day that so and so like you and thinks ur cute. Im not in the recipe for a relationship. I want to have fun and date. From what she was telling me It seems like he wants to get serious, and Im no longer the serious type, at least for now. Sorry. We can hang out but ot get serious. Other than that drama. I have MEGA news. Im starting Guitar lessons on friday. Yesssss. Finally. Im tired of this damn guitar taking up space in my room when Its not even being used. Im writing more than ever. I have faith in myself that one day the public will hear my shit. Hopefully?

Alright Still?...

Morning: Woke up. Made my usual french toast sticks lol. Ate. Watched Tv, saw Lily Allens new video for her song "The Fear". Got ready to go to stand on line and wait for hours and hours alone with my music until Briana and Ebonie go to school.

Afternoon: Get off train. Eat McDonalds (number two!!) call people who never pick up the phone when I want to talk. Asked some lil hipster guy where the Bowery Ballroom is, figured hed know. Walk until i see a bunch of people standing/sitting waiting to get in. Go on line turn up my music so I wont have to hear how much everyone loves Lily. Listen to a couple of solid gold oldies (Debarge, Isley, the good stuff). Get calls now! talk to dear ol friend whom Ill see on sunday at Battle of bands...wonder how thatllt turn out, reminds me I have to get my money to her and outfit all set. Get more calls from people I called earlier when I was losing my sanity. Hang up. Resume music lol. Get a call from Ebonie, who actually came. Wait.....still waiting.....see her with big ass textbook she ends up putting in my bag before the show starts. Back hurts because of Ebonie btw. We wait, we talk we laugh. Bri Bri calls shes on her way. Waitng...still waiting...she arrives. we all laugh talk, make messed up sadistic jokes about Rhianna and Chris Brown( dear lord im so sorry). We wait for like hours. They let us in. We wait again. We talk, laugh, make more jokes lmao. They open the main doors. we wait. Then it begins.

Evening: Trouble Andrew performs :/. Didnt know that was Santogolds husband btw. We dance we enjoy the show, theyre not too bad. They leave, we ait for Matt & Kim. We dance, laugh, have a good time. Matt & Kim perform Matt & Kim suck the end. We wait for the reason Im breathing today (lily) She comes out looking very cute I might add. We all dance sing songs we know, beg her to come out and perform another. Lily comes out and performs "Womanizer" lol. I laugh and sing my heart out. Shows over. They let us out. We get a free cd and poster, and sticker, oh and shirts. We walk to McDonalds again. I get my flurry we all go our seperate ways. I ride home with Ebonie. Im sleepy so is she I think? We wait for bus mines comes first ha! I get on see my friend Koplah show off pics. We get off bus go our seperate ways. I get in my house. I go to sleep. I smile because I had a kick ass day.