Current Playlist Reflects My Mood......

1. Everywhere I go- Lissie

2. In the cut- Wiz Khalifa

3. The Resistance- Drake

4. Brooklyn- Mos Def

5. Heavy Cross- Gossip

6. Zerospace- Kidneythieves

7. Damaged- Plumb

8. Its Ok to love me- Lizz Fields

9. Lift me up- Christina Aguilera

10. Be good to me- Sia.


.....Note No. 7&1.

Happiness

Im getting ready to graduate and transfer out to the school Ive always wanted too. The only thing that I was confused about was what my major was going to be. I know what I love but what I love, doesn't make much money. I know I'm going to sound crazy for this but I want to be happy with my life and myself. I dont want to wake up with this big list of regrets. I like to write and I love music. I know theres not much money in this but I like it. I cant help it. Its the only thing I feel right doing. Its not about have tons of cash for me. Its about happiness. I'd rather have years of joy.

Happiness doesnt just come with my career of choice, but with who I chose to share this with. I want to be happy with someone who understands me, and knows what I deserve and knows my worth. The other night I wrote my own quote...." Worth more than a phone call out of the blue, worth more than the likings of you". Lately I havent felt like I'm worth a hell of alot to people, but that has to change as do I. I have meaning, and worth just like you and I've forgotten that unfortunately. When I come back to New York, from the Bahamas. After my soul searching things have to be different. I believe in the quote I put above. My beauty arises from my spirit, and If I have a shattered spirit, I'll have little to no beauty. Therefrore I wont bee able to see the beauty in other things, as well as myself.

Summa!

Although I almost died at the drake incident. Got killed at these bbqs. Met guys not worthy of my time. Hung out with a guy who took up my time. and chilled almost everyday. I still liked the summer. :(. Im going to miss these days.

The Moon & The Sky

back of Briana & side of Jazmin

So recently I have been listening to Sade's new album. I wasnt going too, but my mom bought it. I dont know Sades classic and her old music is the best to me, but I have to admit her album isnt half bad....Now I guess youre wondering whats the picture all about. I went to see my friend Sharifa sing. The show was called " Soul Diffusion" and It was her performing along with other bands. It was in brooklyn and Im reall happy I went because I enjoyed myself. This pic was on the wall next to where I was sitting down. I dont know I liked it and wanted to take a picture. Its very artsy. I used to be dep in art taking classes but then as always I got bored with it and took a long break. Im thinking about getting back into it....what do you think??

The Scientist

I dont know about you but I believed while growing up someone with a higher authority isnt better than you but more wise. Like someone who has alot of experience with things would be the best person to ask for help or some kind of advice. Like a doctor. Theyre supposed to know things. Know if your sick and what to prescribe to make you better. Know if something is wrong and theyll make you feel better (or try) by pulling out a lollipop and giving it to you. Theyre supposed to care, and know what to tell you to help you. Its crazy this world we live in. We go to doctors thinking they will make everything A Ok. However we forget. Doctors can make mistakes, they are human. They arent always right. I guess I had to learn that. Being told you have a life threatning disease then going to see another doctor and they tell you the complete opposite shocks me. How can someone make that big of a mistake? How can I go on believeing that everything is over? Who cares about anything or anyone anymore If im not living anymore. And b living I dont mean Im going to die, but If im always depressed. If i feel like Im restricted. If I feel like I dont or cant have much of a life anymore because what I have. Nothing matteres to me and unfortunately nothing does still. I still dont know who to turn to or who to believe. Am I free? Or could someone else have made another mistake? I mean no one said lifes easy, but no one said its this damn hard. I dont know who to confide in except my mother. Shes the only person I can talk to, and sadly shes the only one I want to talk to. If shes the only to stop and actually see how I am, then shes the person I tell all my secrets to. I want to open up to people about things. But I cant. Some things should stay between me and family. I feel like whats happened to me has changed me. My only concern and still is myself. Because at the end of the day. Its My Life. And no one can help me and save me except me.

Dear Mama,

Thank You for always being there. Through all of the hard times. Thank You for being my mother but also my best friend. Im happy with the close relationship we share. I never felt like I could tell you certain things but slowly that is changing. Thank you for not passing judgment on me for all of the sins I have commited. Thank you for reminding me that everyone was young once and everyone makes mistakes. I love you for being my shoulder to cry on, my listener, supporter and my confidant. I love you and thank you. No one can replace you.

Cold Case Of Love

What you did to me was a crime?.....Cold Case Of Love. And if I let you reach me one more time...thats enough-Rihanna

As you all know Rihanna is someone I love. I like her music and her style and love this line in her song off her Rated R album. Especially because I can relate to it. Alot has happened in the last couple of weeks. So much that I dont and cant put it up here, because Its that personal. So personal It stays with me and only me. Im back in school and got a couple of more days at work. For this year I definately need to change the person I am or have become. I need to focus on whats important and what matters the most in my life right now. I dont have time for bad shit to happen to me anymore. From this moment Iam trying for the absolute best I can be. No more dumb blogs about boys, or trivial things. Just the good times and me becoming who I am destined to be. Greatness.

Help them, whatever you can donate would be greatly appreciated. Im Sure

Save Haiti/Save Me

As you all have heard there was a major earthquake in Haiti a couple of days ago that has ruined the country completely, and has left thousands of people dead. A couple of legit organizations you can donate money to are YELE. Its Wyclef Jeans organization to help the victims of Haiti. To give a $5 donation text YELE to 501501. Another legit place to donate money is Oxfamerica. One of my closest friends works with them and they are asking for any kind of donation you can give. To find out how to donate to Oxfam, go to oxfamamerica.org.

The earthquake that has hit haiti has made me rethink alot of things. Most of all whats important and to value what we have here and be thankful, although something like this can happen in the USA. The people of Haiti havent been living well for a while now and to now have a major earthquake hit them and destroy everything it hurts me. I pray for the people and have donated what I can. Please do the same. If it were us wouldnt you want help as well?

In recent days I have been all gloomy. The reason I was gloomy was because of a guy. A guy who shouldnt be gloomy over at all. Yesterday I went to see my grandmother and found out she had a mini stroke a couple of days before christmas. When she told me this I was holding back tears. Here I am being all gloomy and worrying about my pathetic life, when the people I care for most arent doing well at all. The worst part of all of this is no one told me. My father didnt even pick up the phone to say your grandmothers in the hospital. Of course its no problem to call me about music I dont really care about. I dont know why I expected him too. He doesnt care about her. The main reason she had the stroke was because of her pressure going up and being stressed out. I know shes stressd out because her son is living with her AGAIN. and not doing anything positve in his life. I pray to god hes not back on drugs but I feel like he is. When I met him at the train station he looked skinnier. All my life growing up my dad had a belly and I knew thats when he was clean, or somewhat clean. However when he looks skinnier he doesnt look healthy, and I know hes up to no good. I dont know what it is I can do. I try to visit them as much as I could but I stay away mainly because of him, he puts pressure on me and it drives me completely insane. I want to honestly break free from him. I know once I have my own place and steady income hes going to be bothering me. Oh and he always says things to me like because of you they take my tax money and I dont have to do my taxes i do it cuz i want to because I know theyre going to snatch it and give it to you. WTF! First off they take your supposed money because you never paid the $50 dollar child support every month. Dont do me any favors. Here I am thinking you file because im your child and you love me. Didnt know I was an obligation.

Babe Im Gonna Leave You ( I already have) ;-)

I went to the mall yesterday with my mom. I dont know if its just me but I actually enjoy shoppin with my mom, its fun and Im not being rushed because she spends the whole damn day in the stores just like me. Indecisive like moi. I bought this really cool journal. Its yellow and has the face of a tiger on it. Its so cool. I wanted to buy all of the journals I saw (coming soon pics of mi cool new journal). Im going to write all of my poetry, short stories, and memories in it, along with magazine pics and othas. cant wait!

Ive been sick with a bad cold, so pissed I couldnt really hang out for the new years but its whatever. This year i wrote down my new years resoultions and hop I can follow them.


1. Stay focused, do moi,

2. Get license. permit first of course.

3. Stop letting myself fall for people I should never fall for

4. Forgive

5. Put past in past.

6. Save money

7. Grow my hair out

8. Get back into music ;-)

9. Take pole dancing classes lol

10. Date ;-)

Lost Soul

I cannot wait for school to be over. This semester has been so stressful, so bad I had to drop a class. I just couldnt take it, and I still cant. Im counting down the weeks. I feel like Ive been missing for so long. I guess Ive been busy with school and work. Especially working, Ive been working for five days straight. Tireding but I really need the money for mom, phone bill I have to pay now, and a new mp3 player. Yeah my zune is dead and gone, or well on its way. Guess Its time for a change for new things to come into my life. Out with the old, In with the new right?
Ive been distant lately and I like it like that. Never been to open and out there. I miss being reserved and not having a million and one things on my mind. And to keep some people wondering I guess. Alot of my friends have been telling me to focus on things and stop stressing over nothing. I know Ill sound like such a freak for saying this but I tend to think about sex all the damn time. I mean its on my mind twenty-four seven. I try to put my head somewhere else but I cant. Its actually quite aggravating. Mostly because Its something I cant have. I feel so pathetic and weak. I mena before my experiences sex was almost never on my mind, but now I feel like an addict. If I found someone I would probably want to do it all the damn time. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I were the old me, I feel like Ive changed. People have also told me Im different now. I guess how I act and stuff. Im going to get back to me from this moment. Lifes way to short to waste. My mom just found out one of her co-workers has cancer. Its so sad things happen unexpectedly and so fast we dont even know how to grasp it. This news made me feel even more down and out, and just taught me to appreciate life. No ones promised tomoro. My prayers go out to her and her family and I pray that shell pull through.

Lily- My Love

"Its Ok To Love Me

Ok so I know its been a while. Its been more than a while, its been forever. So much has happened where do I even start. Ok so Ive been writing alot, I met these guys who write music kind of like me and want to get started in the music business. I actuall y heard some of their stuff and think they have alot of potential. I would love to collabarate lol. They wanted to know if I could sing.....lets just say they see something in me that I dont, and want another interview. Hope I ace the next one. What else??? Oh yea went to three damn parties last week, had an awesome time. Nothing really else has happened. Guess you could say Ive been "dating" Went on one really so whatever. Guys a coll friend but definately not my bf type. Maybe its me and Im picky as hell, or maybe I dont settle and want to test the waters. I mean there are so many good looking guys out here, why not mess around. Before giving my heart away forever. I think the most important thing now is to really have fun and enjoy your life. Lifes not promised to any of us and we should make the best of each day. Dont worry about stuff to much or stress, just live your life and enjoy it dammit! Ugh. Sorry im ranting but i wish people would jus see the better things in life and make the best of it. I guess it can be hard but all it takes is a little bit of effort and strength. Im listening to So Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild now. God! I love this song so much. Wish someone would sing this song to me one day. Sigh...Gues sin order for guys to appreciate you, you have to appreciate yourself first. ;(. Lemme get to bed and get ready for tomoro, I have a long day ahead of me. Im officially an adult, well Im going to become one. I have to start paying my own phone bill. Mom cant afford it anymore. I have no problem with this, we all have to grow up sometime....I'll be doing that tomorrow, when I pay half of the damn bill.

Party In The U.S.A

I feel like such a bad person right now. Im so tired of hearing about guys. Well not guys, but my friends who go on and on about there boyfriends. more specifically my friend ingrid. I mean dont get me wrong im happy for her. Its her first boyfriend, so I know how that is. You cant stop going on and on about him, but I dont think I was that into him, where our whole 2hour convo would be bout him. if I was then shoot me in the fucking head now for talking shit lol. Is this the most important thing now, guys. I mean of course they are for a million and one reasons ;), but theyre not everything. Dont we come first? Its like we put theyre feelings first before our own. Well at least I did that, and I still do. I need to stop that. geez. i sound so pathetic lol. lord save me.



-I love Miley Cyrus's new song Party in the usa. Just think it would sound way better if someone else was singing it lol

Tears In Heaven

Im blogging when I should be doing my poetry homework. Oh whatever Its been too long and Im getting bored with school already. Couldnt wait for it to start now I cant wait for my next day off. Last few weeks have been very hard. Been trying to move ahead and not look back at certain things or people but no matter what I do it seems things have a way of catching up to me, and I give in like a weak pathetic girl. Its sad because I know Im better than that. I know Im stronger than I know. Im just looking for it and want to see it already. Its hard to focus on things that I should be focusing on and its so hard to concentrate. People have made me so mad this week I just wanted to be alone. I still do. Walking home I found myself crying.....the crazy part is I dont know what I was crying for. I guess we cry because we have too. Its the only thing that makes sense and one of the only ways to release alot of stress and insecurities. Well for me anyway. Geez lemme stop pourng my worthless heart out and get back to writing this paper. Lord help me with school. Im going to need it

Forever

I am forever yours, and you are forever mine. The love we share is pure, honest, and surreal. The kind of love we only witness on television. The kind of love we daydream about. With you here next to me nothing else matters. The constant beat of your heart makes my body tremble. The taste of your sweet lips intoxicates me. You're all I ever wanted, and now that I have you I dont want to ever let you go. A manifestation of my dreams. My very own prince. My very own fairytale. Memories fade into the background of past romance. With lust then, not love. I am yours now. I am forever yours, and you are forever mine. I am only yours, and you are only mine. For now. For long. Forever.

Forever.

-Kaycee N. Alston-

-This is what work brings out of me. Poetry. I guess thats good. My professor at school said true poets are the ones who can really write anywhere. The ones that get a good line in their head and jot it down. I hope Im one of them. I write alot about how I feel. However this wasn't about anyone in particular. Just felt like writing about love. Lame right. Whatever I believe in it. People dont make those damn songs for nothing. Its just this emotion i really want to feel with someone one day. Guess im to shut down from alot to open up to it. One day Ill meet that person that will change my views. Believe.

What Ive been up to?

1. working as a slave

2. back in school, busy studying.

3. Catchin up w/ mom

4. hangin out with friends from wrk.

5. downloadin alottttt of musica

6. living

7. wollowing

8. caring

9. thinking

10. missing?

11. sleeping

A Night To Remember....

Broken-Hearted Girl

HAPPY BELATED KRYSSIE!!!

I just recently got my ear pierced and its killing me. This will be my seventh one, and can you believe Im not done. I want two diamond studs on my right cartilage. I think I spelled it correctly. If not then oh well. Weeks been kind of busy. Wait scratch that I havent been busy having a life, Ive been busy working so I could get money for back to school. Im actually excited about school starting back up. Im more focused then I ever used to be. I know what I have to do and Im ready. Besides that I need a distraction FAST! I just want to forget alot of things and people. Sometimes life is just better leaving behind the past. For once and for all. I dont think I mentioned my friend living with me. Well shes not anymore, my mom made her leave and go to her moms cousins house. Its so close by rochdale its ridiculous. Hope all is well with her and she starts to make moves and not slack off just because she has a roof over head. Yes she has every reason to be thankful but dont mooch like here. Start to build your life. Its the perfect opportunity. I couldnt take it living with her. I guess Im a very private person and I like to be by myself. Since Im so used to it growing up. I just like my own space and no one taking over. I almost forgot to mention this week is like a series of free concerts in the city. Pat Benatar. Blondie. The Donnas. and Gym Class Heroes. I am so going to one of them. Im leaning more towards Pat Benatar and Blondies concert. Since theyre like my fucking Idols. Come on who would miss that concert. Cant wait to go with my peeps. Live life before school takes over. <3