Current Playlist Reflects My Mood......

1. Everywhere I go- Lissie

2. In the cut- Wiz Khalifa

3. The Resistance- Drake

4. Brooklyn- Mos Def

5. Heavy Cross- Gossip

6. Zerospace- Kidneythieves

7. Damaged- Plumb

8. Its Ok to love me- Lizz Fields

9. Lift me up- Christina Aguilera

10. Be good to me- Sia.


.....Note No. 7&1.

Happiness

Im getting ready to graduate and transfer out to the school Ive always wanted too. The only thing that I was confused about was what my major was going to be. I know what I love but what I love, doesn't make much money. I know I'm going to sound crazy for this but I want to be happy with my life and myself. I dont want to wake up with this big list of regrets. I like to write and I love music. I know theres not much money in this but I like it. I cant help it. Its the only thing I feel right doing. Its not about have tons of cash for me. Its about happiness. I'd rather have years of joy.

Happiness doesnt just come with my career of choice, but with who I chose to share this with. I want to be happy with someone who understands me, and knows what I deserve and knows my worth. The other night I wrote my own quote...." Worth more than a phone call out of the blue, worth more than the likings of you". Lately I havent felt like I'm worth a hell of alot to people, but that has to change as do I. I have meaning, and worth just like you and I've forgotten that unfortunately. When I come back to New York, from the Bahamas. After my soul searching things have to be different. I believe in the quote I put above. My beauty arises from my spirit, and If I have a shattered spirit, I'll have little to no beauty. Therefrore I wont bee able to see the beauty in other things, as well as myself.

Summa!

Although I almost died at the drake incident. Got killed at these bbqs. Met guys not worthy of my time. Hung out with a guy who took up my time. and chilled almost everyday. I still liked the summer. :(. Im going to miss these days.

The Moon & The Sky

back of Briana & side of Jazmin

So recently I have been listening to Sade's new album. I wasnt going too, but my mom bought it. I dont know Sades classic and her old music is the best to me, but I have to admit her album isnt half bad....Now I guess youre wondering whats the picture all about. I went to see my friend Sharifa sing. The show was called " Soul Diffusion" and It was her performing along with other bands. It was in brooklyn and Im reall happy I went because I enjoyed myself. This pic was on the wall next to where I was sitting down. I dont know I liked it and wanted to take a picture. Its very artsy. I used to be dep in art taking classes but then as always I got bored with it and took a long break. Im thinking about getting back into it....what do you think??

The Scientist

I dont know about you but I believed while growing up someone with a higher authority isnt better than you but more wise. Like someone who has alot of experience with things would be the best person to ask for help or some kind of advice. Like a doctor. Theyre supposed to know things. Know if your sick and what to prescribe to make you better. Know if something is wrong and theyll make you feel better (or try) by pulling out a lollipop and giving it to you. Theyre supposed to care, and know what to tell you to help you. Its crazy this world we live in. We go to doctors thinking they will make everything A Ok. However we forget. Doctors can make mistakes, they are human. They arent always right. I guess I had to learn that. Being told you have a life threatning disease then going to see another doctor and they tell you the complete opposite shocks me. How can someone make that big of a mistake? How can I go on believeing that everything is over? Who cares about anything or anyone anymore If im not living anymore. And b living I dont mean Im going to die, but If im always depressed. If i feel like Im restricted. If I feel like I dont or cant have much of a life anymore because what I have. Nothing matteres to me and unfortunately nothing does still. I still dont know who to turn to or who to believe. Am I free? Or could someone else have made another mistake? I mean no one said lifes easy, but no one said its this damn hard. I dont know who to confide in except my mother. Shes the only person I can talk to, and sadly shes the only one I want to talk to. If shes the only to stop and actually see how I am, then shes the person I tell all my secrets to. I want to open up to people about things. But I cant. Some things should stay between me and family. I feel like whats happened to me has changed me. My only concern and still is myself. Because at the end of the day. Its My Life. And no one can help me and save me except me.

Dear Mama,

Thank You for always being there. Through all of the hard times. Thank You for being my mother but also my best friend. Im happy with the close relationship we share. I never felt like I could tell you certain things but slowly that is changing. Thank you for not passing judgment on me for all of the sins I have commited. Thank you for reminding me that everyone was young once and everyone makes mistakes. I love you for being my shoulder to cry on, my listener, supporter and my confidant. I love you and thank you. No one can replace you.

Cold Case Of Love

What you did to me was a crime?.....Cold Case Of Love. And if I let you reach me one more time...thats enough-Rihanna

As you all know Rihanna is someone I love. I like her music and her style and love this line in her song off her Rated R album. Especially because I can relate to it. Alot has happened in the last couple of weeks. So much that I dont and cant put it up here, because Its that personal. So personal It stays with me and only me. Im back in school and got a couple of more days at work. For this year I definately need to change the person I am or have become. I need to focus on whats important and what matters the most in my life right now. I dont have time for bad shit to happen to me anymore. From this moment Iam trying for the absolute best I can be. No more dumb blogs about boys, or trivial things. Just the good times and me becoming who I am destined to be. Greatness.

Help them, whatever you can donate would be greatly appreciated. Im Sure

Save Haiti/Save Me

As you all have heard there was a major earthquake in Haiti a couple of days ago that has ruined the country completely, and has left thousands of people dead. A couple of legit organizations you can donate money to are YELE. Its Wyclef Jeans organization to help the victims of Haiti. To give a $5 donation text YELE to 501501. Another legit place to donate money is Oxfamerica. One of my closest friends works with them and they are asking for any kind of donation you can give. To find out how to donate to Oxfam, go to oxfamamerica.org.

The earthquake that has hit haiti has made me rethink alot of things. Most of all whats important and to value what we have here and be thankful, although something like this can happen in the USA. The people of Haiti havent been living well for a while now and to now have a major earthquake hit them and destroy everything it hurts me. I pray for the people and have donated what I can. Please do the same. If it were us wouldnt you want help as well?

In recent days I have been all gloomy. The reason I was gloomy was because of a guy. A guy who shouldnt be gloomy over at all. Yesterday I went to see my grandmother and found out she had a mini stroke a couple of days before christmas. When she told me this I was holding back tears. Here I am being all gloomy and worrying about my pathetic life, when the people I care for most arent doing well at all. The worst part of all of this is no one told me. My father didnt even pick up the phone to say your grandmothers in the hospital. Of course its no problem to call me about music I dont really care about. I dont know why I expected him too. He doesnt care about her. The main reason she had the stroke was because of her pressure going up and being stressed out. I know shes stressd out because her son is living with her AGAIN. and not doing anything positve in his life. I pray to god hes not back on drugs but I feel like he is. When I met him at the train station he looked skinnier. All my life growing up my dad had a belly and I knew thats when he was clean, or somewhat clean. However when he looks skinnier he doesnt look healthy, and I know hes up to no good. I dont know what it is I can do. I try to visit them as much as I could but I stay away mainly because of him, he puts pressure on me and it drives me completely insane. I want to honestly break free from him. I know once I have my own place and steady income hes going to be bothering me. Oh and he always says things to me like because of you they take my tax money and I dont have to do my taxes i do it cuz i want to because I know theyre going to snatch it and give it to you. WTF! First off they take your supposed money because you never paid the $50 dollar child support every month. Dont do me any favors. Here I am thinking you file because im your child and you love me. Didnt know I was an obligation.

Babe Im Gonna Leave You ( I already have) ;-)

I went to the mall yesterday with my mom. I dont know if its just me but I actually enjoy shoppin with my mom, its fun and Im not being rushed because she spends the whole damn day in the stores just like me. Indecisive like moi. I bought this really cool journal. Its yellow and has the face of a tiger on it. Its so cool. I wanted to buy all of the journals I saw (coming soon pics of mi cool new journal). Im going to write all of my poetry, short stories, and memories in it, along with magazine pics and othas. cant wait!

Ive been sick with a bad cold, so pissed I couldnt really hang out for the new years but its whatever. This year i wrote down my new years resoultions and hop I can follow them.


1. Stay focused, do moi,

2. Get license. permit first of course.

3. Stop letting myself fall for people I should never fall for

4. Forgive

5. Put past in past.

6. Save money

7. Grow my hair out

8. Get back into music ;-)

9. Take pole dancing classes lol

10. Date ;-)